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Posts Tagged ‘Respect’

The Father of Men

Posted in Christian Life, God, Mentoring, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on 11/07/2023| 1 Comment »

There is a lot of talk about fatherhood and masculinity going around these days. Everyone is trying to define what makes or breaks a man. Sometimes it is unfortunate to see women having to define who a man should be. Not that they don’t have a say, especially in a country where most fathers are absent. But I doubt many men respect that. Other times it is men with very questionable backgrounds that take center stage on the issue. Some come across so strongly but you cannot follow them beyond their words. They hide behind keyboards because if you spent a day in their life you’d not really admire them. Unfortunately, some of the men we respect especially within the church never talk about this issue. Our churches also seem to make services and meetings that appeal more to women than they do men. So how do we talk the Gospel to men? How do we excite them to serve and be involved in kingdom work?

Now, if there’s a language that men understand it is that of respect.

One, I think we need to make a difference between men and women in our approach. We also need to accept that for the most part, our churches seem to appeal to women than they do men. We need to ask why? Now, if there’s a language that men understand it is that of respect. If you gave a man a choice between love and respect I believe many would choose respect. Men will walk together because there is respect among them. Not that men don’t need and appreciate love but love is best expressed in respect. We need to remember that as we reach and influence men for the work of the kingdom. There’s also no denying that our fathers influence us as men for good or worse. But the combination of a present father and one worthy of respect makes all the difference. That’s the kind of father that you want to point men to. He’s the kind of saviour that both those who had good fathers need and one for those who never had a present and respectable father. And you know what, the Bible being so balanced presents a Father that appeals to both men and women. Look at these words from Hebrews 12:

9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! 10 They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. Hebrews 12 NIV.

The language of discipline and respect is very manly. But before you brand it toxic masculinity look at the one who requires it and its ultimate intention. Like a good father, he’s one worthy of respect and the end goal of his discipline is to make us better. The verses before speak of him treating us as his legitimate and beloved children. The image is, therefore, not one of a father beating his children out of rage. Nor is it of the man who makes ridiculous demands from his little son. He’s also not an absent or indifferent father. Instead like a good father he is involved and seeking to make us better so that we may share in his holiness. If you like he wants us to be respectable men like he is. And because he’s worthy of our respect then we can endure his discipline.

If you like he wants us to be respectable men like he is.

This is the kind of father we need as we wrestle with sin. One we want to listen to because he cares about us and one we respect. He is a man we want to be close to and one we don’t want to disrespect with our sins. Being near him challenges us for the better but not in a way that makes us feel we can never please him. He welcomes the man who never had a father with open arms. He is a friend of the man whose father was present but not involved. He is a helpful resource to the man raised by a single mother who wants to be a better father. He also draws the man who grew up with a good father who knows the value of fatherhood. But this kind of father challenges the men around our churches. He tells them to be better men not only for their sake but also for the young boys growing up around them. He calls the older men to walk with younger men and show them the path of true Christian manhood. But he doesn’t neglect the women either.

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Honouring Leaders in a Cancel Culture

Posted in Culture, Ministry, pastoral ministry, Servant Leadership, social media, tagged , , , , on 09/21/2022| Leave a Comment »

Cancel culture is the oldest blame game in the book. When man sought to honour God’s word in the garden the serpent told him God was actually the problem. It’s because he didn’t want you to be like him. Satan made the loving creator God the enemy of human progress. He wasn’t to be listened to leave alone obeyed. Human history began by cancelling God out. Adam would then borrow a leaf from the serpent when he and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. Who was to blame for this? It was the woman God made not forgetting Adam was there when Eve was deceived. Adam would in one breath blame God and Eve while he comes out merely as a victim of circumstances. To Adam, those around him were the problem, not him and his sin.

When this is our culture old ideas like honour and respect sound so backwards that for many people they don’t even make sense.

This old lie would then be passed down the generations taking different forms but with the same end goal. Whenever we find ourselves in a fix we immediately find someone to blame especially those in authority. Interestingly we never start with ourselves. If something is going wrong in an organisation or we are not feeling as fulfilled we immediately find the enemy. If we are struggling at home and we aren’t like that other couple we know who to blame. If our church isn’t meeting our needs and not tailor-making the service to our comfort we know who to blame. But in none of these situations do we stop to ask if we might be the problem. Instead, we immediately mount an opposition to the leader with an aim to cancel him out since after all he’s our arch enemy.

When this is our culture old ideas like honour and respect sound so backwards that for many people they don’t even make sense. Why would we respect authority when it’s the problem? Why should we honour those in leadership when we’ve made them into our mortal enemy? Why would we respect our pastor when we’ve concluded the church would be better without him? Why listen to that deacon when we believe he’s out to take advantage of us? Why would the woman submit to a husband who is a symbol of oppression? Why would we even pay taxes when we think we might be better off without a government?

It’s for this reason that we only realise someone was a good leader when they leave office. We spend so much time finding fault with our leaders that we don’t stop to appreciate how much we need them.

But while not all leaders are worthy of respect more often than not we are the ones who’ve chosen not to respect them. We’ve drunk so much of this cancel culture that we will never have anyone in office worthy of our respect. Immediately someone gets a place of leadership even when he was a former friend he becomes our number one enemy or we are branded, collaborators. It’s for this reason that we only realise someone was a good leader when they leave office. We spend so much time finding fault with our leaders that we don’t stop to appreciate how much we need them. Worse in the Christian space we don’t even praise God for the good leaders he gives us because we are always suspicious of them.

Pause for a moment and imagine how lonely this makes the place of leadership. Add to that the godly requirements of a leader when those in his care think of him as the enemy. Think about that pastor who labours hard in prayer, creates time to meet the members, stays up late to prepare helpful Biblical sermons, goes out to look for funding, has a family to look after and perhaps a job on the side and yet his congregants think he’s the problem. You could add the name of an organisation leader, a husband and father, a government official and your CEO. While they may not all be the best and most sacrificial leaders I think we owe them the honour that comes with that office. It should especially be the case when it’s a Christian leader who’s trying his best to follow in Jesus’ footsteps.

Before we cancel them out let’s give them a chance by praying for them, submitting to them and offering our advice and help. Above all let’s remember God requires us to honour our leaders.

I think we need to stop waiting for the leader to fall so we can justify our verdict on him. We need to stop overanalyzing their performance and motivations. We need to stop thinking the worst of them. We need to stop waiting for them to get into a scandal so we can cancel them out. We need to start by giving them the benefit of the doubt. We need to appreciate that it’s always better to have a leader because the alternative is chaos. We need to notice that they are trying their level best. We need to realise that sometimes, and most times we are part of the problem. We need to view leaders as God’s instruments to bring order to disorder. We need to be for leaders not against them. Before we cancel them out let’s give them a chance by praying for them, submitting to them and offering our advice and help. Above all let’s remember God requires us to honour our leaders.

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