Utumishi Blog

There is a lot of talk about fatherhood and masculinity going around these days. Everyone is trying to define what makes or breaks a man. Sometimes it is unfortunate to see women having to define who a man should be. Not that they don’t have a say, especially in a country where most fathers are absent. But I doubt many men respect that. Other times it is men with very questionable backgrounds that take center stage on the issue. Some come across so strongly but you cannot follow them beyond their words. They hide behind keyboards because if you spent a day in their life you’d not really admire them. Unfortunately, some of the men we respect especially within the church never talk about this issue. Our churches also seem to make services and meetings that appeal more to women than they do men. So how do we talk the Gospel to men? How do we excite them to serve and be involved in kingdom work?

Now, if there’s a language that men understand it is that of respect.

One, I think we need to make a difference between men and women in our approach. We also need to accept that for the most part, our churches seem to appeal to women than they do men. We need to ask why? Now, if there’s a language that men understand it is that of respect. If you gave a man a choice between love and respect I believe many would choose respect. Men will walk together because there is respect among them. Not that men don’t need and appreciate love but love is best expressed in respect. We need to remember that as we reach and influence men for the work of the kingdom. There’s also no denying that our fathers influence us as men for good or worse. But the combination of a present father and one worthy of respect makes all the difference. That’s the kind of father that you want to point men to. He’s the kind of saviour that both those who had good fathers need and one for those who never had a present and respectable father. And you know what, the Bible being so balanced presents a Father that appeals to both men and women. Look at these words from Hebrews 12:

⁹ Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! ¹⁰ They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. Hebrews 12 NIV.

The language of discipline and respect is very manly. But before you brand it toxic masculinity look at the one who requires it and its ultimate intention. Like a good father, he’s one worthy of respect and the end goal of his discipline is to make us better. The verses before speak of him treating us as his legitimate and beloved children. The image is, therefore, not one of a father beating his children out of rage. Nor is it of the man who makes ridiculous demands from his little son. He’s also not an absent or indifferent father. Instead like a good father he is involved and seeking to make us better so that we may share in his holiness. If you like he wants us to be respectable men like he is. And because he’s worthy of our respect then we can endure his discipline.

If you like he wants us to be respectable men like he is.

This is the kind of father we need as we wrestle with sin. One we want to listen to because he cares about us and one we respect. He is a man we want to be close to and one we don’t want to disrespect with our sins. Being near him challenges us for the better but not in a way that makes us feel we can never please him. He welcomes the man who never had a father with open arms. He is a friend of the man whose father was present but not involved. He is a helpful resource to the man raised by a single mother who wants to be a better father. He also draws the man who grew up with a good father who knows the value of fatherhood. But this kind of father challenges the men around our churches. He tells them to be better men not only for their sake but also for the young boys growing up around them. He calls the older men to walk with younger men and show them the path of true Christian manhood. But he doesn’t neglect the women either.

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