Utumishi Blog

Parenting a toddler has taught us that people don’t always throw tantrums because they are essentially bad people. Yes, theologically, they are totally depraved for sure. Children included. But sometimes they are just hungry. Other times they are sleepy or maybe not getting the attention they deserve. Most times they are hurting and acting out. The crazy thing is we accept this with toddlers and teenagers but somehow ignore it with adults. But you try to argue with some people before they get their morning coffee and you’ll know they are a toddler in a suit. Or try to handle something with your spouse past 10pm and you might end the marriage altogether. All I’m saying is we are too quick to give a prognosis for what we have only superficial observed. There’s always something behind the symptoms. A root behind bitterness and a bigger issue below the surface. If we are to disciple people in a godly and more biblical way we must wear the doctor’s stethoscope and be ready to listen more keenly.  

Take the example of the brother who never sees eye to eye with you especially if you are their department leader or pastor. A quick prognosis would conclude that he doesn’t like you. He wishes he was the leader and not you. Perhaps, he thinks he can do a better job. Well, that might be the case though it’s also possible that you are insecure and assuming everyone is out to get you. What if he genuinely sees the alternative that you don’t see. And what if he doesn’t like you? Should everybody like you? But here’s something else, what if he’s hurting and asking for your attention? Just think about that. If you are a Christian leader, especially in Gospel ministry then your duty is not only to the whole group but to each person. Perhaps before we label our people as disloyal and unsubmissive we should ask why they are dissatisfied with us. Is it something we are doing wrong? Are we doing justice to the sheep the Lord entrusted to us especially the one who is “unruly” like we are often with our Saviour? And if it’s not about us then what are we ignoring about them? 

Pursue Peace and Holiness

The Hebrew author is very careful to tell his church to not let roots of bitterness grow among them, see Hebrews 12:15b. Now some of us reading this might think more politically. That is, squash them before they lead to a riot. As the 48 laws of power would say, crush your enemy totally. Others might think how sad that someone wants to ruin such a good fellowship. They may recommend we discipline and kick out such a member. But I don’t think that’s what the author has in mind. In this very communal and pivotal section of the letter, he sees this as another way the church with its leadership can pursue peace and holiness, see Hebrews 12:14. In other words, get to the bottom of this as you pursue communal holiness and peace with everyone in the fellowship. We should be very concerned when one of us is voicing objections and getting bitter with the fellowship. Not so that we might kick them out but that we might extend the love and grace of God to them, see Hebrews 12:15a. We should be very interested in the root cause not so we can shame or destroy them but that together we might pursue peace and holiness.

Turn the Trouble to Gospel Opportunity

You know what is crazy? As we seek the root behind bitterness we’ll actually do great ministry together. We might find a lot more people are hurting in this area. And by the way, it could have nothing to do with the church or the ministry and its leadership. Maybe it’s trouble at home, trouble at the workplace or one of those seasons in the Christian life when you are doubting everything. Whatever it is, we’ll be better brothers and sisters giving people, even those who oppose us, the benefit of the doubt and extending Christian love and grace. Think about the ministry we neglect when we quickly label people as the black sheep of the fellowship. Think about the Gospel testimony we can make as we pursue them. Think about the good works we can scatter on their path. Think about the message it sends to the rest of the ministry within and beyond. Sadly this is a lesson we only seem to realise later in life. Actually, even the great apostle Paul seems to have realised it later with John Mark, see 2 Timothy 4:11. Let’s stand on the shoulders of the word of God and see opportunity where others see trouble.

Look Beyond the Bitterness

But what if the person is really out to get us? What if after careful consideration what we find are deep roots of malice and evil intent? Well, to begin with, I’d say we’ll act in a more godly way after careful investigation not after a quick conclusion. Secondly, experience shows that not everything said in opposition is always untrue. When I find myself in a conflict and someone says something in anger I can easily dismiss them. But you know what? Though it’s delivered in the wrong way it doesn’t mean it’s untrue. Most often I find there was a lot of truth only I didn’t want to hear it. Speaking in anger is like speaking while drunk. People will say things they wish they hadn’t said but at least you’ll know how they see you. And even if it is malicious the Gospel tells me I’m a lot worse than I imagine and yet loved and forgiven so much than I’ll ever comprehend. In other words, if it were God speaking he would say a lot more and worse things about me which are true and yet my status before him would remain secure because of Jesus. So I shouldn’t kick out the brother who opposes me just yet because nothing he says is ultimately untrue. But finally, I should be happy to have people who keep me on my toes instead of an army of yes-men around me. So often they’ll tell me the truth no one wants to say. All I’m saying is don’t throw out the baby with the bath water yet. Take time to deal with their bitterness in a godly way and don’t be quick to uproot them.

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