Utumishi Blog

Lydia did some great staff training for us the other day on ‘soft skills’ and what came out particularly strongly for me was the stuff on listening in communication:

Knowing when to be silent and listen – let others speak… especially when you think you have the perfect story, news to share.

How to not always have the last word.

Listening is not only a matter of using the ears; it is also a matter of using the eyes.

Listening does not mean that the conversation can be taken over as soon as the person talking has finished the sentence. Listening means concentrating on what people are telling, expressing an interest in what they are saying, and ensuring that you understand what is implied. It also means being able to control the amount of information you pass on. How much is enough and at what point are we going overboard?

Active listening is inviting the other person to share their story and being able to deduct what it is they are saying from their body language as well as their words.

Listening and talking should be in balance with each other. The purpose is not solely to get something across or understand people better. The main purpose is to communicate, which means listening and speaking in an interactive (bi-directional) way.

Listening skills and the capability of empathizing with each other are also part of the communication process.

It suddenly struck me (this is probably obvious to everyone else) that God is an amazing listener. I’ve often got excited about the fact that God is a speaking God – and that is brilliant – he is revealing himself, giving himself, inviting us to know him, speaking creation and salvation into being. But I’ve never thought much about the fact that God does a huge amount of listening.

1. He listens more than he speaks. He’s given us a thousand pages of his words – all we need to know, deep as an ocean, sweet as honey, beautiful portrait of Jesus – but how many words does he hear from us? Millions. Billions. And in his wisdom he doesn’t come straight back every time with a personalised answer. Look at the book of Job – 37 chapters of Job and his friends talking to or about God and God just listens and listens. If I was God I’d boom from heaven in chapter 5, “Now shut up and listen to me.” God has got the best story in the world to share. He has got The Truth to tell. He has got the argument to end all arguments.  But he doesn’t interrupt. He doesn’t barge in. He just listens and listens and listens. And then finally at the end of Job you get just 4 chapters of God’s reply and it isn’t a personalised, specific answer to all Job’s questions it’s just a revelation of who God is and that is enough. Basically, we talk and talk and talk and God just listens and listens and listens and then says, have another look at my finished Word, see me, that’s enough for you.
2. He listens with massive grace and perfect empathy. It comes out in Job – how can God endure speech after speech (mostly rubbish) and not squash these moralistic ‘comforters’? In John 8 when Jesus is being called a demon-possessed bastard don’t you expect fire to come from heaven and toast them all? But it doesn’t. He takes it. He is incredibly slow to anger. How much grumbling rises to heaven every day and what does the Father send down? Rain on the just and the unjust. Come to think about it, if I was God and I listened to Andy Harker not giving thanks for all the goodness I’d poured out on him but whingeing and moaning and saying all sorts of unkind and untrue stuff, speaking rubbish with lips that I had created, then I’d squash him flat. But God listens and listens. He listens to me with the love of the Father. Don’t we all desire to be listened to by someone who really wants to listen to us, who really loves us, who understands us completely (Psalm 139) and doesn’t condemn us but is completely for us (Romans 8)? If we’re in Christ we have that listener.